Still of Addison (played by Kate Walsh) kissing Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) in a deleted scene from the Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice crossover

Start Again: An Addek Fanfic Chapter 6

Notes: This is a fanfiction based on characters from the TV shows, Grey’s Anatomy, and Private Practice. This rewrites parts of the second season finale of Grey’s Anatomy. But this fanfiction tells an alternate story of what happens after Derek and Meredith have sex in the exam room at Seattle Grace hospital. Instead, it asks the question: What if Derek and Addison didn’t end things after Derek cheated on her with Meredith? What if they decided to give their relationship one more shot? This story and chapter were originally posted on Archive of Our Own on December 19th, 2021. This is chapter six so it is necessary to read chapter five before moving on. This has been edited to include headings and images.

Start Again: Chapter 6

Still of Sam (played by Taye Diggs) and Naomi (played by Audra McDonald) sitting on the couch about to kiss each other from Private Practice 2x04

Sam and Naomi weren’t happy about it, but Addison leased the fourth floor. But they ultimately knew she was right. Even if they weren’t ready to admit it. But shortly afterward, they found out that their new tenants were opening a competing medical practice. Which no one was happy about. Least of all Cooper because Charlotte, his girlfriend, was managing it. After years of referrals from St. Ambrose, everyone knew things were about to change. But after the first month of a quieter office, things started getting back to normal, business-wise. 

Other than that, Sam and Naomi decided they weren’t going to get back together. Despite their kiss in Sam’s office. But they were both committed to staying professional. The divorce and the financial troubles nearly killed the practice before. And now, there was this competing medical practice on the fourth floor. They couldn’t afford to make them go through hell all over again. 

As for Derek and Addison, they were doing great. Better than great, really. Addison loved working at the practice, even though it was a big change from working at a hospital. This way, she got to really connect with her patients. Plus, the cases they got were usually pretty interesting. It made her really think about medical ethics, and she found debating with the rest of the doctors to be fun. It wasn’t back-to-back surgeries, but it still exercised her mind in a way she didn’t expect small-town medicine to. Plus, within a couple of weeks, Naomi and Addison were back to talking (really talking) and the practice was starting to make money again (thanks to renting out the fourth floor). So everything finally felt like things were falling into place for Addison.

Derek’s Boredom

Still of Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) from Grey's Anatomy

However, Derek, while he understood why Addison loved it, didn’t exactly feel the same. But their relationship was in a great place. But he found himself bored at work. He liked getting to know his patients and debating with the other doctors, but he wanted more. Needed more, really. He missed being in the OR all day every day. He missed feeling challenged. Richard asked him to come out to Seattle Grace because he knew how great of a surgeon he was. But more than that, he knew he was a surgeon that took risks. One that wasn’t afraid to push the boundaries. And Seattle Grace, as terrible as it was for his and Addison’s relationship, was great professionally speaking. 

But instead of telling Addison about his overcoming boredom, Derek kept his mouth shut. At least for now. He knew he’d have to say something eventually. Part of the reason why their relationship started going downhill in New York was because they stopped communicating. So he knew he had to say something. But he could see how happy she was here. He could see how much she loved working at the practice, with these people. And their relationship, besides the fact that Derek was hiding his professional boredom, was in a great place. The best place it’d been in years. 

Sex as a Distraction

Still of Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) shirtless kissing Addison (played by Kate Walsh) before they both head to the shower together from Grey's Anatomy 2x23

The fact that Derek started avoiding his problems with sex definitely helped though. Addison knew it was getting to be a lot. They hadn’t been this sexually active since they’d first gotten together in med school. Or when they were newlyweds. Either way, Addison knew something was off. But she also knew that she wasn’t ready for it to end yet. It’d been a long time since she’d felt loved by her husband. Actually, it’d been a long time since she felt like her husband found her attractive. 

By the time Mark came into the picture, Derek barely looked at her. And his dismissive demeanor and behavior just made her feel like she’d let herself go. Like she’d somehow become an ugly old married woman over time. She knew she was attractive. She’d always been an athlete, thanks to Bizzy’s constant push for her to do every extracurricular activity she could handle. 

Plus, with all the extra time on her hands (given that she wasn’t stuck in a stuffy hospital all day anymore) and the beautiful weather, she found herself exercising more. She’d also always been a healthy eater (again, because of Bizzy, her personal chefs over the years, as well as Bizzy’s criticism whenever she felt Addison was slacking in her physical health). So LA was kind of the perfect place for her. Now that she was here, it felt odd that she never thought of moving here before.

A Stomach Bug?

Still of Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) kissing Addison (played by Kate Walsh) on the cheek from Grey's Anatomy

Before they all knew it, months passed and it was suddenly August. Derek found himself extremely bored with himself at work. But he was still using sex with Addison as a distraction. And Addison was letting him. For the time being. She, too, knew they had to talk about it at some point. But she also wasn’t ready to shatter the marriage bliss they’d been living over the past few months. 

“Derek!” Addison exclaimed as he started kissing her neck after she’d gotten into bed.

“What?” Derek continued kissing her down to her shoulders as he slipped her pajama shirt down her shoulders.

“I love you,” Addison stopped him by putting her hands on his cheeks. “But I am exhausted,”

Derek made a playful pouty face, which made Addison giggle.

“I love you,” She said again. “But, just fair warning, I may be coming down with something,”

“What do you mean?” Derek sat up, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think it’s just a stomach bug,” She said, nonchalantly. Truthfully, she’d been feeling under the weather for the past week, but she didn’t say anything. And it was getting to the point where she started to worry she was pregnant. 

They’d always talked about having kids, but not since they were newlyweds. They both decided it’d be better to wait until they established their careers. And by now, they had. But then, life happened. Their marriage started falling apart and having kids became the last thing on their minds. But she knew everything would change the minute she took a pregnancy test. And she wasn’t quite ready for that just yet. So, she was holding off for the time being.

A Surprise Visitor

Still of Amelia (played by Caterina Scorsone) and Link (played by Chris Carmack) talking to Carolyn (played by Tyne Daly) from Grey's Anatomy 15x21

“Fine,” Derek sighed dramatically. “But you owe me,” he added, playfully as he got under the covers.

“Deal,” Addison said as she turned off her lamp and gave him a peck on the lips before joining him under the covers.

The next morning, they went to the office together where Derek went back to teasing her flirtatiously the minute the elevator doors closed. And Addison let him kiss her deeply. They loved being in their marital bliss. Even though it nauseated everyone else in the office. Truth be told, they just didn’t want it to end. But they were in for quite the surprise when the elevator doors opened.

“Mom,” Derek said, shocked. What was his mother doing in LA?

“Derek, Addison,” Carolyn said, calmly as she stood near the front desk with a suitcase by her feet. She’d just come from the airport and taken a cab to see Derek and Addison. 

“What a wonderful surprise!” Addison exclaimed as she moved to hug her. She’d always loved Carolyn but she knew the feeling wasn’t mutual. I mean, she still welcomed Addison into the family and made her call her mom after they got married, but she knew Carolyn wasn’t Addison’s biggest fan. 

Derek and Addison Greet Carolyn

Still of Addison (played by Kate Walsh) and Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) standing on the ferry from Grey's Anatomy 2x09

But Carolyn, as well as the rest of the Shepherd clan, really, was a big reason why Addison said yes when Derek proposed. The Shepherds were like the complete opposite of the Forbes Montgomery’s. It was a big family, and they were like the ideal close-knit family while the Forbes Montgomery’s couldn’t get through a family gathering without a constant stream of gin. Or any alcoholic substance, really.

“What are you doing here, Mom?” Derek asked as he too went in to hug her.

“Well, you didn’t show up for Thanksgiving or Christmas last year or the year before,” Carolyn said, bitterly. “And then, I have to hear from your sister that you’ve both moved to LA,”

Derek and Addison both chuckled awkwardly. They had to admit that they’d both had an interesting year, to say the least. Addison’s affair with Mark started right before Thanksgiving so no wonder Derek didn’t show up to the Shepherd’s that holiday season. And while Addison loved going to Carolyn’s house for the holidays, it felt wrong to come after the affair. Plus, Addison was committed to making it work with Mark by then. But it all imploded right after New Year.

“Yes, well, it’s been…quite the year,” Derek said, awkwardly. It was an honest response, but there was much more that was unsaid. And all three of them knew it. But before it could get too awkward, the other doctors started piling in. And for that, they were both thankful.

Carolyn Meets Everyone Else

Still of Pete (played by Tim Daly) and Cooper (played by Paul Adelstein) with nametags while teaching a dad's patients

“Mrs. Shepherd?” Sam asked after seeing her. Carolyn met both Sam and Naomi at Derek and Addison’s rehearsal dinner. And she’d heard stories about them beforehand from Derek as well.

“Sam! Naomi! It’s so nice to see you two,” Carolyn pulled both in for a hug, one at a time. “But please, I told you to call me Carolyn,” 

“It’s lovely to see you again, Carolyn,” Naomi said as she shot Addison a look. What the hell was Derek’s mother doing in LA?

“Uhhh…Mom, this is Dr. Pete Wilder, Dr. Violet Turner, and Dr. Cooper Freedman,” Derek introduced everyone else as Carolyn politely shook their hands, respectively.

“So, does this mean we’re not having the morning meeting?” Cooper asked. It became somewhat of a daily routine to have a morning meeting to discuss their patients for the day and any other concerns. Over time, it wasn’t as formal as it had been in the beginning. Now, it was mostly just talking in the kitchen over breakfast and morning coffee. But they still called it a morning meeting anyway.

“Uhhh…Yes, yes we are,” Addison said, just wanting an excuse to work instead of dealing with Carolyn.

“Right, sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your work day,” Carolyn added, politely. But then again, what did she expect by coming to their office, Addison thought. 

Carolyn Confronts Derek

Still of Carolyn (played by Tyne Daly) talking to Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) from Grey's Anatomy 5x12

“Why don’t you come to grab some breakfast with me in the kitchen?” Derek offered. He too wasn’t thrilled to see his mother. But he also knew better than to just make her wait out in the reception area while they all scurried off to work. She’d still wait to talk to him or Addison or preferably both. But she wouldn’t be happy about it. Plus, Addison knew his schedule anyway so it’s not like he had to be at the morning meeting.

“Sure,” Carolyn said as everyone else made their way to the conference room.

“So what are you really doing here, Mom?” Derek sighed as he started brewing some coffee.

“First, you run off to Seattle,” Carolyn started. “And now you’re in LA of all places?”

“What’s wrong with LA?” Derek countered.

“Nothing’s wrong with LA,” Carolyn insisted. “But…this isn’t you,” 

“What do you mean this isn’t me?” Derek scoffed slightly. “What does that even mean anyway?”

“This practice?” Carolyn threw her hands up. “This isn’t you,”

Derek Tries to Fight Back

Still of Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) from Grey's Anatomy

Derek sighed. He knew she was right. He could pretend like he didn’t know what she was talking about, but as annoying as it was, his mother knew him well. And she knew that this practice wasn’t enough for him. He needed to be challenged. He always had. It was why he made a good surgeon. And this practice, as great as it was, wasn’t doing that for him.

“We’re happy here,” Derek said after a beat. 

“But it’s not enough for you,” Carolyn pointed out.

“Maybe,” Derek said, softly. “But she’s happy here,” Derek handed her a mug full of hot coffee.

“But you aren’t,” Carolyn said as she grabbed the cream from the fridge.

“I am happy here,” Derek insisted. He was happy. With Addison. But the days felt like they were getting longer. And he desperately missed being in the OR. It’s not like he didn’t operate anymore. But it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t constant the way it had been in New York or Seattle. And they both knew it.

“No, you’re not,” Carolyn said as Derek leaned against the counter, looking at the floor. He hated how his mother still had a way of seeing right through him. 

“I love her,” Derek said after a minute as he finally looked up at her. “And we’re finally us again,”

“But it’s not enough for you,” Carolyn said again.

Addison and the Other Doctors

Still of Addison (played by Kate Walsh), Violet (played by Amy Brenneman), and Naomi (played by Audra McDonald) in the kitchen from Private Practice 6x13

Meanwhile, Addison and the rest of the practice met in the conference room. And they were all prepared to talk about their patients for the day. But they’d also become close enough friends by now to know that Derek’s mother showing up wasn’t good. And if they didn’t know that before, they could see it now with Addison’s demeanor. She was usually so put-together, professional, and relaxed. But now, she was a little flustered and distracted. They couldn’t just not say anything. 

“So, what’s Derek’s mother doing here anyway?” Cooper asked, nonchalantly.

“I don’t know,” Addison said honestly, as she finally put down her small stack of files that she’d been fussing with for the past minute.

“Does she not like you?” Violet asked. Everyone, Addison included, just glared back at her.

“What?” Violet asked. “It was a valid question,”

“She hates me,” Addison admitted. It was embarrassing but true.

“She does not hate you,” Naomi insisted. All throughout college, Addison insisted Carolyn hated her. And Naomi and Derek always tried to convince her otherwise. But it was no use.

“She does!” Addison exclaimed. “And not just because I gave Nancy salmonella that one year,”

Addison Defends Herself

Still of Addison (played by Kate Walsh) arguing with Sam (played by Taye Diggs) and Naomi (played by Audra McDonald) (not pictured) from Private Practice 2x05

“You gave someone salmonella?” Pete asked, curiously.

“It wasn’t on purpose!” Addison defended herself. “I’d never cooked a turkey before and Derek barely gave me a day’s notice before inviting 34 people to Thanksgiving,”

“Ooof,” Sam added.

“Yeah, well then Derek came in to save the day by grilling hot dogs. But not until after I gave Nancy salmonella,” Addison sunk deeper into her seat.

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” Sam tried to reassure her.

“Yeah well, it probably doesn’t help that I also cheated on him with his best friend,” Addison muttered. By now, everyone knew of the affairs. If not from Addison directly, they at least found out from Sam or Naomi. 

“You could always try family counseling,” Violet offered, trying to lighten the mood. Addison glared back at her. Violet just couldn’t say the right thing today, could she?

“Or not,” Violet said.

Derek and Addison Go Back to Work

Still of Addison (played by Kate Walsh) and Derek (played by Patrick Demspey) in Grey's Anatomy 4x13

After Derek talked to his mother and Addison held the morning meeting (which they did eventually have after venting a bit), they both went about their day. Carolyn hung around Derek’s office and kept him company in between patients as Addison stayed in her office. She knew Carolyn had to be here to tell Derek he was making a mistake with her. She had to be. And she did not want to deal with it just yet. 

So she went about her day seeing her patients and then dealing with administrative stuff in between, not giving herself much of a break. Over the years, work was the one constant in her life. When everything else failed, work was always there for her. And today, she was leaning on it. She even grabbed her lunch from the fridge and ate in her office to continue avoiding Carolyn Shepherd. And it didn’t seem like Carolyn really wanted to talk to her just yet either. 

Carolyn thought Addison was a lovely woman, but she’d always thought she was wrong for Derek. And as cordial as she was towards her, Addison always knew she didn’t like her. Every time they went to visit on holiday, Derek reassured her that Carolyn loved her. But Addison knew the truth. Or at least suspected it. And Carolyn’s colder demeanor towards her today proved it.

Derek, Addison, and Carolyn Go to Dinner

Still of Carolyn (played by Tyne Daly) holding a glass of wine from Grey's Anatomy 15x21

At the end of the workday, the moment came. It was time for Derek, Addison, and Carolyn to finally confront each other. And Addison, particularly, was dreading it. Addison always felt like she had to impress when she was around Carolyn. Being around her turned her into someone she wasn’t: someone insecure, awkward, and overly polite. The Shepherds were always so inviting and warm, and Addison always admired that. Envied it really. It was such a stark difference from her family, but it was what she always craved. Which made it that much more heartbreaking to know that Carolyn, AKA the woman that created that warm family dynamic between all the Shepherds, didn’t like her.

“There you are,” Carolyn said, trying her hardest not to sound too sarcastic. All Addison could really do was smile back at her politely.

“So, I thought Nonna’s might be nice for dinner,” Derek interjected. 

“Sounds great,” Addison smiled. 

After that, all three of them took the awkwardly silent elevator ride downstairs and drove to the restaurant. It was a nice Italian restaurant, reminiscent of restaurants they used to go to in New York. Even though Carolyn seemed to take pleasure in LA’s beautiful weather, Derek thought it was a safer choice for dinner to pick something that reminded them all of their past lives. During dinner, they sat, ate, and made pleasant conversation. 

Carolyn Sees Derek and Addison’s New Home

Still of Addison just getting into her house from Private Practice 2x07

Carolyn talked about the weather and Addison, desperate to find something she could ramble on about, brought up a study she’d been reading about cystic fibrosis. She’d been working with a whole family with cystic fibrosis that day with Sam and Cooper and it was all she could come up with. Plus, Addison’s fellowship in medical genetics was all about cystic fibrosis so she had a lot she could talk about there. Derek wasn’t as knowledgeable but he knew enough to keep up with her.

After that, they all went back to Derek and Addison’s beach house as the sun started setting. And it was then when Derek and Addison realized they wouldn’t have work or dinner as a buffer. They had no choice now but to deal with Carolyn.

“This is a lovely home,” Carolyn remarked. It was vastly different from their New York brownstone, that was for sure. But even Carolyn had to admit that having the beach as their backyard was incredible.

“Thank you,” Addison said as she hung up their coats in the closet and Derek rolled her suitcase towards the stairs. Soon after, the room went silent for a minute. But after everything that happened today, Addison couldn’t take the awkward silence anymore.

Addison Confronts Carolyn

Still of Addison (played by Kate Walsh) holding a coffee mug after everyone else else leaves the morning meeting from Private Practice 2x05

“Okay,” Addison sighed. “Let’s hear it, Mom,” Addison had never been that confrontational with Carolyn. Or with any of the Shepherds for that matter. Other than Derek. But she had to admit, LA had made quite the effect on her. It was the change she never knew she wanted. She felt freer here. Like she could be herself here. And she wasn’t about to let Carolyn Shepherd take that away from her. Plus, the past year taught her to fight for what she wanted. And what she wanted was Derek and this new life they made for themselves.

“Derek isn’t happy here,” Carolyn said, simply. “I know you both love each other, but Derek needs to be challenged. And that’s not happening here,”

Addison looked over at Derek, who was now leaning against the back of the couch with his head hanging low. He couldn’t say she was lying because he knew it was true. He just wasn’t able to tell Addison yet. They’d tried so hard to be happy again, and they were. And he couldn’t tell her that he hated the job. Not after seeing how happy and free Addison was here. The last time he’d seen Addison so carefree was when they were in med school. 

How L.A.’s Changed Addison

Still of Addison (played by Kate Walsh) in workout clothes and earphones in about to leave for her run from Private Practice 4x9

The last thing Addison ever wanted to be was cold the way that her parents were. And even she admitted that she slightly reverted back to her WASP-ier ways around Bizzy and The Captain. But Derek used to be able to break her out of it, at least a little. But when Derek stopped noticing her, she started reverting back.

She held her tongue and kept pretending she and Derek were still the perfect couple everyone thought they were. She stopped fighting because he stopped fighting. It wasn’t until they got to LA when she started letting all of that go. Even in Seattle, she tried pretending to be stronger than she felt. So the last thing Derek wanted to do was make her revert back to that. 

Seeing Addison finally stand up to his mother made him weirdly proud. He knew how much Addison admired Carolyn and how much she wanted her to like her. And he pretended not to see the signs that said the contrary. So whenever Addison talked about how his mother hated her, he’d reassure her that she didn’t. Even though he knew, deep down, that Addison was right.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?” Addison finally asked.

“I didn’t want to ruin it,” Derek kept his head low. An awkward silence came over them all over again.

“It isn’t enough for him,” Carolyn echoed what she said to Derek earlier. “He needs more than this,”

Derek Stays Silent

Still of Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) looking at Addison (played by Kate Walsh) on the roof of Seattle Grace hospital from Grey's Anatomy 2x07

Addison looked at Derek, hoping he’d say something encouraging. Hoping he’d say something to counteract what Carolyn was saying. As much as she loved him, Derek had never been great at standing up to his mother. Then again, it wasn’t very often when he thought she was wrong. But she at least wanted him to stand up for her. 

She knew Derek loved her, that they were happy together here. But she also knew that Carolyn wasn’t just talking about the job. Not that Derek really noticed. Derek probably would’ve stayed quiet about his true feelings about the job for a long time. And she knew that it’d only be a matter of time until he resented her for staying in LA. But it hurt that Derek didn’t even try to stand up for her. Carolyn never thought Addison was enough for him. And Addison always suspected this. But hearing her say it to her face hurt even more.

After Derek stayed silent, Addison walked upstairs. She couldn’t stay to talk anymore. She may have opened the door, but she couldn’t deal with this right now. And with the possibility that there was a baby Montgomery-Shepherd growing inside of her was too much. So she walked upstairs and went straight to the master bathroom and took out the pregnancy test she had in her purse. She wasn’t ready to take it before, but she couldn’t wait anymore. Not when she felt like her marriage was starting to fall apart all over again. After a few minutes, she got up from where she sat on the bathroom floor and checked the stick. It was positive. There was a baby growing inside of her. And all she could feel was conflicted. 

Derek and Addison’s Past

Still Addison (played by Kate Walsh) with her arm around Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) from Grey's Anatomy 2x15

But she decided she wasn’t going to say anything just yet. If Derek was going to stay quiet for the time being, so was she. For a while, all Derek wanted was to be a dad. But they were still residents at the time and Addison wanted to be smart about this. She told herself that she needed to be more established in her career before having kids. The last thing she wanted was to be a mother and still work to become a surgeon. 

She told herself to wait until she finished her residency and finished her fellowship. But by the time that happened, Derek and Addison’s marriage exploded. Then, she got pregnant with Mark’s baby and couldn’t go through with it. She just couldn’t. Not when she was still in love with Derek. Not when all she wanted was for the baby to be his.

Now, here she was, pregnant with his baby. And she felt almost as terrified as she was when she was with Mark. Derek and Addison had been in a good place recently but Carolyn showing up changed things. It made her realize that maybe they weren’t as happy as she thought they were. She wanted this baby, but she was terrified about what would happen next.

Derek and Addison’s Lack of Communication

Still of Addison (played by Kate Walsh) and Derek (played by Patrick Dempsey) talking at the top of Seattle Grace Hospital from Grey's Anatomy 2x07

After Addison lay in bed alone for a few minutes, Derek finally came up. He got ready for bed and when he climbed under the covers, Addison turned towards her side. Their silence, and their inability to communicate just reminded her of Seattle. And she hated it. They both did. But they weren’t ready to talk. Addison still had to figure out how to tell Derek about the baby and Derek didn’t want to hurt her. He loved her but he wanted to know for sure what he’d say before he talked to her.

The next morning, Derek woke up to an empty bed. In LA, this was actually somewhat normal. Addison had taken running early in the morning so it wasn’t uncommon for him to wake up alone. But she’d usually be back from her run by the time Derek brushed his teeth and got dressed for the day. 

However, this morning just felt different. He knew Addison probably just went on her run, but after last night, he didn’t know if she’d come back from her run as soon as she usually would. Maybe she’d avoid coming home like she avoided talking to his mother yesterday. Maybe she’d run an extra few miles to avoid them both. But he knew thinking about it wasn’t helping. So he got up, brushed his teeth, and got dressed, hoping to hear the light patter of her footsteps outside. 

Carolyn Makes Breakfast

A stack of pancakes with whipped cream and raspberries on top with syrup dripping down from above the pancakes

When he didn’t hear her, he knew it was his fault. He knew he should’ve said something to his mother last night. He knew Addison was hurt. But he couldn’t muster up the courage to stand up to her. He knew she was right, that he needed more to stay in LA. He wasn’t thinking about leaving, but he knew he needed something more if he really wanted to be as happy as Addison clearly was here.

After a minute, Derek walked out onto the balcony. If he was going to sulk, he might as well look out at the beach. But then, he looked down to see Addison, sitting in one of their lounge chairs in her workout clothes. She clearly already went on her run but she just wasn’t ready to go back inside yet. So she stayed outside to look out at the beach. It looked like she and Derek had the same idea there.

Before Derek went downstairs, he smelled something sweet in the air and noticed that the guest room was empty. His mother was already awake. And it finally kicked in what he was smelling: pancakes. When he got downstairs, he found Carolyn flipping pancakes in their kitchen.

“Good morning,” Carolyn said as she took the pancake off the heat and stacked it on a plate. “Breakfast?”

“Thanks, Mom,” Derek thankfully took the plate of pancakes.

“You didn’t have chocolate chips but you do have blueberries,” Carolyn turned to grab the glass of orange juice. “Oh, and you’re out of orange juice,” She handed him the glass.

“Thanks, Mom,” Derek said again as he took a sip and grabbed a stool to sit at the kitchen counter.

Addison’s Green Juice

Still of Violet (played by Amy Brenneman) talking to Addison (played by Kate Walsh) as she drinks her green juice from Private 2x05

“Oh, but you did have this weird green juice,” Carolyn made a face. Never in a million years did she see her son as someone that drank a green juice.

“Yeah, that’s Addison’s,” Derek swallowed a bite of her blueberry pancakes and got up to grab it from the fridge.

“Since when did she start drinking…that?” Carolyn watched as Derek poured a glass of the stuff.

“Uhhhh….since we got here,” Derek thought back. Addison really embraced LA. Much more than she ever did in Seattle. She’d always been fit and led a pretty healthy lifestyle. She went to the gym, ate healthily, and made an effort to make sure Derek took care of himself too. But that only became clearer once they got to LA. 

She started drinking green juice, ran most mornings, and still found time to go to the gym a few times a week after work too. It kind of amazed him how good she was at taking care of her physical health. And he knew that Bizzy was partly to thank for that with all the sports teams Addison was a part of growing up: soccer, gymnastics, swimming. No wonder she was so fit.

“You know, she could always come in to eat and drink that,” Carolyn pointed out.

“Yeah, I know,” Derek sighed. His mother wasn’t going to make this any easier. “I just want to give her another minute to breathe out there,”

Carolyn’s Thoughts on Addison

Still of The Captain (played by Stephen Collins), Addison (played by Kate Walsh) and Archer (played by Grant Show) at the Montgomery estate for Bizzy's (played by JoBeth Williams) (not pictured) funeral from Private Practice 4x14

As Derek went outside with a plate of pancakes in one hand and Addison’s green juice in the other, Carolyn couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She knew things were tense but the least she could do is come in to face it. After all, she confronted her first. In the Shepherd family, they confronted their problems head-on. And maybe that’s what she didn’t particularly like about Addison. She and her family swept all their problems under the rug and pretended like it wasn’t there. Or when they did deal with their problems, they were always so…indirect. 

They’d talk about flowers or charity events that were coming up. Derek said they were “speaking WASP”, but Carolyn never quite understood what he meant by that. And when she asked him what it meant, even he had to admit he didn’t really know either. But he did say that Addison knew how to decipher it, most of the time. And this just confused Carolyn even more. What good came from talking around things? Why not attack things head-on? No wonder her family was so cold. They never talked about anything. They just talked around everything. And she knew that that was no way to raise a family. Not one that was as loving and open as the Shepherds. 

When Derek opened the back door, Addison heard him coming. She’d spent the morning jogging on the beach and if she weren’t so exhausted, she would’ve jogged for longer. But she was also a doctor who knew better than to overwork herself while a tiny human grew inside of her. It wasn’t just about taking care of herself anymore, there was a baby Shepherd to think about now. 

Derek Tells the Truth

Still of Addison (played by Kate Walsh) wearing a silk beige pajama set while sitting outside her backyard porch while doing a crossword from Private Practice 2x07

And keeping the pregnancy test in her pocket definitely became a constant reminder. The last thing she wanted was for Derek to find out by seeing the test poke out of the trash bin. Or worse, for his mother to find it first. So she panicked and took it with her on her morning jog. And since she finished her jog, she’d been fiddling with it in her pocket while she thought about what she wanted to say next.

“Hey,” Derek said as he finally got to her.

“Hey,” Addison said softly as she turned around. She was surprised to see that he brought breakfast out for her. She knew Carolyn was in their kitchen making breakfast. Even in LA, Carolyn still made breakfast whenever she stayed with them and insisted they eat at the table while she slaved away at the stove. And when Addison or Derek tried to convince her to sit down next to them, she’d brush them off and tell them to just enjoy their morning. So it was strange that Carolyn just let Derek bring a plate out to her instead of getting her to come in to sit at the table.

“Hungry?” Derek put the plate and glass down and sat beside her.

“Thanks,” Addison sat herself up and took a sip of her green juice first.

“So,” Derek started. “I know I should’ve said something last night,”

Addison looked at him as she started eating. 

“But I…” Derek stuttered. “She’s right. I do need more. I love you, and I know how much you love this place, how much you love the practice. But I need more. It’s not enough for me,”

Addison Drops a Bomb

Still of a pregnancy test box with the test sitting on the counter and a timer that reads six seconds left on Addison's (played by Kate Walsh) (not pictured) phone sitting beside them from Private Practice 5x09

They both sighed as Derek waited to hear what Addison would say next. He talked about the job, but he still said he loved her. So, was that the only problem? Was it just the job that was bothering him? Or was he starting to regret moving out here with her? Did he regret trying again with her? But instead of asking, Addison decided she’d try a different approach.

“What about now?” Addison yanked the pregnancy test she’d been fiddling with out of the pockets of her hoodie and placed it between them on the lounge chair.

“Is this enough?” Addison asked.

Additional Notes

Sorry for the cliffhanger but I’ve had this plot (including this chapter ending) stuck in my head for a while now so I just had to write it out. And I thought it’d be more fun leaving things off on a cliffhanger this time. Plus, I was thinking that Derek and Addison left Seattle around February so there is quite the time jump in this chapter. I’ve also been reading a lot of Addek Christmas fics lately that involved the Shepherd family, so that’s probably why I wanted one of Derek’s family members to show up.

I know Nancy’s the one that shows up in Seattle after Derek and Addison get divorced, but I thought it’d be more interesting for Carolyn to be the one to show up. And I will eventually bring Addison’s family into it too (rather than just mentioning them through Addison’s inner monologue/thoughts). Also, Tim Daly plays Pete in Private Practice and Tyne Daly (his older sister) plays Carolyn so that’s a weird little fun fact. Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and I will try to update again soon!

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